


What Rhymes With Tucker?

by facetiousfutz



Category: South Park
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Aprons, Blow Jobs, Gossip, Love Bites, M/M, Making Out, Quickies, Semi-Public Sex, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 07:04:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,485
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14099991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/facetiousfutz/pseuds/facetiousfutz
Summary: “Oh, hello,” said Craig with a shit-eating grin on his face.“Shut your whore mouth,” said Tweek, moaning as he smashed his lips against Craig’s.





	What Rhymes With Tucker?

The sun had already gone down, and Tweek Bros. Coffee had been closed for business for over an hour. Tweek was stuck with the task of deep cleaning coffee pots and mopping mystery gunk off the floor. He was saving up for a new computer so he couldn’t really complain, but for the fact that it was Saturday and Craig was still hanging around. It was clear that he wanted the two of them to get gone and be anywhere but here, but Tweek had been stuck with this bullshit job since he was barely out of diapers, and that was never going to change. He was eighteen now and still didn’t have much of a life outside of this damn coffee shop. 

“Seriously. You don’t have to hang around here, Craig,” said Tweek, sweat dripping down his brow. He’d finished scraping a dead fly off the tile floor. It was caked in the mystery gunk along with some hair, and it was behind the counter, therefore his parents were to blame. “It’ll be awhile.” 

“I heard you the first three times, babe,” said Craig, thumbing through his phone. “I have the Wi-Fi password, so I’m fine.” 

“Ugh.” Tweek wiped his forehead with his sleeve. “Aren’t you bored? I feel bad.” 

“Why?” Craig looked up from his phone, if only for a moment. “I can be bored here, or at home. There’s nothing better to do.” 

“There isn’t, like, something going on at Token’s house?” 

“No,” said Craig. “Token’s birthday was last month.” 

“But doesn’t he like throw really big parties on the weekends?” 

“That was one time, Tweek,” said Craig. “And he got nailed for it when a bunch of assholes wrecked his house.”

“But...” 

“Bebe doesn’t throw parties anymore either,” said Craig. “Not after getting hammered and going balls deep with Clyde and Kenny on the same night.” 

“I thought that was just a rumor,” said Tweek, leaning on his mop. 

“Heidi says it’s true,” said Craig. “Bebe getting an abortion was just a rumor. She never got pregnant in the first place.” 

“Oh Jesus.” Tweek nervously proceeded to mop behind the back counter some more. Then he said, “Wait. Why do you trust what Heidi has to say?” 

Craig shrugged. “Why not?” 

“Isn’t she kind of a bitch?” 

“No, she’s a total bitch.” Craig smirked. “That’s why she’s cool.” 

“That doesn’t make any sense, Craig.” 

“I think you’re putting too much thought into it,” said Craig. Tweek continued to be frazzled, mopping as sweat poured down his brow once more. “You sure you don’t want help?” 

“No way!” said Tweek. “This is my job. Let me do it.” 

“All right.” Craig put both of his hands up and went back to his phone. “I should get a job. Is your dad hiring?” 

“Argh! No,” said Tweek. “I think Shaky’s Pizza is, though.” 

“Gay,” said Craig. 

“You think that’s gay?” said Tweek, raising him a suspicious eyebrow. “Why are you trying to get a job here, Craig?” 

“To get in your pants. Clearly.” 

Craig put down his phone and sauntered toward Tweek, wasting no time as he dove in for a kiss. It was hot and salty, never mind the sour smell of white vinegar cleaner. Tweek’s grunt was muffled beneath warm lips, dragging him in, enticing him to open his mouth and forget all about the hair and gunk caked to the floor. 

Instead, Tweek pushed him away and said, “Not right now. I’m gross.” 

“No, you’re delicious,” said Craig, licking his lips. Tweek blushed and turned away. 

“Goddamnit, Craig. You’re distracting me! Go away!” 

“Fine, fine,” he sighed dramatically, then returned to his seat. “You look so cute in an apron.” 

“Craig!” 

“Fine, sorry.” 

“Ugh! If you have a boner, think about Cartman naked, or something.” 

“Right,” said Craig. “Tell a gay man to think about another man naked. Boner-b-gone for sure.” 

“Please. Cartman’s not a man. He’s a lard ass!” 

“Hey. You never know. Some men are into fatties. Like Kyle.” 

“Sure, like Kyle,” said Tweek, until it hit him. “Wait, what?!” 

“Kyle and Cartman are fucking,” said Craig. “Fact.”

“Wait, really??” Tweek almost dropped his mop. “How did you find out?”

“I can tell just by looking at them and listening to them bitch at each other,” said Craig. “If they’re not fucking yet, they will eventually.”

“I’m surprised, Craig,” said Tweek. “You don’t usually make bold claims that aren’t based on solid fact.” 

“It’s a solid fact that Cartman’s got a raging boner for Kyle,” said Craig. “And Kyle’s easily manipulated. Cartman will get him to suck his balls, mark my words.” 

“Jesus, how much thought have you actually put into this?” said Tweek, flaring his nostrils. 

“It takes very little imagination to draw such an obvious conclusion.” 

“Fuck off! Obvious conclusion...” Tweek muttered. “If that’s what we’re arguing, then wouldn’t it make more sense for Stan and Kyle to hook up? They’re like joined at the hip and all over each other.” 

“No, because they’re bros. That’s like me fucking Clyde or Token. No thanks.” 

“So what? You and I are like Kyle and Cartman now?” 

Craig laughed. “Fuck no!” 

“Then what?” said Tweek. 

“Dude, it’s not that serious,” said Craig. “I’d be willing to bet money that Cartman has Butters trained to give him blowjobs, too.” 

“Oh God.” Tweek pinched his eyes shut and pressed the handle of his mop to his forehead. “Gross. Ick. Stop talking about Cartman and sexual favors, please.” 

“You’re the one who brought it up,” said Craig. “And now my boner’s gone. Happy?”

“Fuck you, Craig.” 

“Anytime, babe.” He waggled his eyebrows. Tweek growled, frustrated. Distracted. He still had half a dozen pots left to clean and didn’t even get to mopping the front of the shop yet. Now Craig had him all bothered. “Butters gives Kenny head, too.” 

“Christ!” said Tweek. “Oh wait. You probably find that hot, don’t you? Your insatiable lust for blonds. Yeah, I know what you watch on Pornhub.” 

“Oh. Shocking,” said Craig, bug-eyed and putting up his hands. Tweek gave him the finger. “Come to think of it, you’re almost right about Stan and Kyle. Stan’s definitely in the closet.” 

“You’re terrible,” said Tweek, laughing, because he agreed. “Why don’t you come out and say it? You think everyone in our graduating class is gay.” 

“Or bi, yeah,” said Craig. “I’d feel bad for the girls if I gave a shit.” 

“Why? Why stop at just the guys? I bet Wendy likes girls,” said Tweek. 

“Wendy hundred percent likes girls,” said Craig, nodding. “But who cares? It’s not like we’re ever going to try to get with her.” 

“... You’re trying to scope out additional lovers for us?” said Tweek. “Why? Because I don't fool around with you enough while I’m on the clock?” 

“You’re taking this way too literally,” said Craig. “I’m just making simple observations.” 

“No. You’re gossiping,” said Tweek. “Shut up and go back to whatever you were doing on your phone, would you?” 

“Your face is so red right now,” said Craig. “It’s cute.” 

“Christ, you’re impossible!” said Tweek, tossing his mop to the floor. Then he tossed his apron on the counter and burst out from behind it, wasting no time as he plopped himself on Craig’s lap. 

“Oh, hello,” said Craig with a shit-eating grin on his face. 

“Shut your whore mouth,” said Tweek, moaning as he smashed his lips against Craig’s. 

Now that was more like it! Craig threaded his thumbs through the belt loops of Tweek’s khakis, pulling him closer as their mouths opened. They sat in that dining room, just them, the buzz of florescent lighting, and several coffee pots bubbling in the background, in the process of being cleaned. Tweek forgot all about his stupid job, the gunk, the hair, everything. His parents didn’t even pay him minimum wage for any of it. The real payoff was that he could fuck around with his boyfriend in the privacy of his family’s business, and no one could say jack shit about it. 

So he pulled Craig into the back room, safe from any prying eyes. The shop may have been closed, and not many people wandered around this part of town at night, but one could never be too careful. They fumbled into the back room and slammed the door behind them. Then Craig had Tweek’s back pinned to the door, fingers threading and pulling through his hair as they sucked face. Tweek could barely remember to breathe, especially as Craig unzipped each of their flies and pressed their stiff cocks together. 

“Fuck,” Tweek gasped, lips swollen and glistening in the dim light. “A-ah!” 

Craig responded to that with one slow kiss, then his lips and teeth made their way down Tweek’s neck and gave it a hard suck. Tweek’s cock twitched at that, hot and red, rubbing against Craig’s. Now Craig’s hands were out of Tweek’s hair and up in his shirt, where he played with the smaller boy’s nipples. All of this stimulation. Tweek took fistfuls of Craig’s hoodie and let out a strangled gasp. He could practically feel every drop of blood in his body pound into his cock. 

“I’m going to suck your dick,” Craig whispered in his ear, sending electricity down his spine. “And when you come, I’m going to drink it all up.” 

“Hurry up and do it,” Tweek hissed. “I-I have to get back to work. Asshole.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” 

Craig dropped to his knees, wasting no time. Tweek never lasted long when Craig had a thirst for cock like this. They’ve done this many, many times over the years, mostly in the back room at Tweek Bros. Coffee, or at school. Craig had a personal mission to suck Tweek off in every empty classroom, broom closet, and even got him on the rooftop and in the library. Never the bathroom or boys locker room, though, because those are unsanitary and smell like shit. Tweek drew his line and Craig knew not to cross it. Because of that, Craig got all the action he wanted. And hell, Tweek probably got his dick sucked more than any other guy in school, and he never even bragged about it. 

True to his word, when Tweek’s seed spilled into Craig’s mouth, he inhaled every drop of it. Tweek’s knees felt like jell-o, so he slid down the door and landed on his backside, cock still out and coated in saliva as he caught his breath. 

“Christ, Craig,” said Tweek, panting. “You’re such a slut.” 

“Yeah. But you love it,” said Craig, admiring the post-orgasmic glow of Tweek’s pale skin. He didn’t even have to ask for Tweek to return the favor. Once Tweek got his breath, he was on his knees, nose deep in Craig’s pubes while he licked his shaft and balls. Then he sucked him off, choosing to swallow, too, as Craig came with very little effort on Tweek’s part. He’d barely gotten his fingers in Tweek’s hair by the time he was spent. Usually he got more hair pulling action, but this was just a quickie. Tweek had to get back to work, after all. 

“Ack! Try lasting more than two seconds next time, butthole,” said Tweek, coughing and shoving Craig away. The surprise orgasm got him too soon and it tickled his throat. “I need water.” 

“Here,” said Craig, pulling a bottle of water out of his hoodie pocket. He was always prepared. “Thanks, babe. I needed that.” 

Tweek knocked back twenty fluid ounces of water in seconds, and tossed the bottle in the recycling bin. 

“Can I PLEASE finish mopping now? I don’t want to be stuck here all night.” 

“Of course.” 

“Urgh.” 

They went back out front, and Craig and Tweek spoke very little over the next twenty or so minutes. Craig felt light as a feather, like he could fall asleep right where he sat. He got up just once so he could take a huge piss, and when he plopped back down he put his phone in his pocket and watched Tweek mop instead. He’d never tire of watching his boyfriend, no matter what. In an apron and mopping, or naked. Naked and mopping. Oh, if Craig could get Tweek in just an apron he'd fuck him so hard. Bend him right over the kitchen table and ride him like a horse. Craig’s groin still had unfinished business it would seem, but he was also spent, so this time he was content to simply visualize. 

Tweek eventually finished up with the coffee pots and gave the front of the store a quick wipe down. Aside from the dirt and mud customers dragged in, there wasn’t much to wipe up. He still had a bit of that nice glow to him, and Craig could spot the red on his neck from ten feet away. Nice. Maybe if he was lucky he could work on it some more. Turn him into a walking traffic light.

In the midst of his naughty thoughts, the bell at the entrance jingled, signaling a customer. That couldn’t be, because they’d been closed for a couple hours at this point. It was only Mr. Tweak, carrying two tupperware containers.

“Hey, boys,” he said, smiling as he placed the food on the counter. “You get all those coffee pots done, Tweek?” 

“Argh!” was Tweek’s response.

“Wonderful! Glad to hear it.” Then he caught a glimpse of the fading teeth marks on Tweek’s neck, surrounded by a patch of reddening skin. He couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh, but I see you’ve already taken a lunch break.” 

“Huh?” said Tweek. One look at his father’s face and his hand instantly shot up to his neck. Craig couldn’t help but laugh. “Fuck you, Craig!” 

“When and where, babe?” said Craig, having long forgotten shame. If his parents didn’t care, and Tweek’s parents thought it was amusing, what was the point in hiding it? 

“Fucking... ugh! Whatever. What’s for dinner?” 

“Mom made pork chops and mashed potatoes,” said Mr. Tweak. “One of these is for you, Craig.” 

“Thanks, sir,” said Craig, who was hungry. He took his meal and heated it up in the break room. 

Meanwhile, as Tweek finished his mopping, his father proceeded to dole out even more embarrassing nonsense that he was hardly prepared for.

“You know, Tweek,” said Mr. Tweak. “You and Craig will be graduating soon.” 

“Ugh. And?” said Tweek, pushing the head of his mop furiously against the doorway. 

“What’s that? Is that? Oh! Is that the sound of wedding bells I hear?” 

“God, why?” He pressed the mop handle to his brow and groaned. Then Craig returned with his food and ate as Tweek was newly hot and flustered. Nice. Only this time he had a little smile on his face as he worked, which was even better. Tweek had the best smile in the world. Craig loved him so much.


End file.
